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Monday, 03/19/2012, 01:48 pm

Chael Sonnen Has a Book Coming Out And Here's How He Describes It


“Presence. Tenacity. Insight. Omniscience. No need to look these words up. They are defined by yours truly. Who am I? I’m the one who needs no introduction, the walking thesaurus, the UFC’s most infamous and feared destroyer of men. I am Chael P. Sonnen, and you want to be just like me.

It’s your lucky day. What you are holding in your hands is nothing short of a V.I.P pass to enlightenment. In the coming pages my humor and tales of heroic adventure will baptize you in superhuman greatness. Allow me to carry you like a frail damsel as I make a nightmarish decent into the bowels of Sao Paulo. Sit before me as a student as I teach you about my plans of creating a Chaelocracy, which translates to “A Better Earth.” Shower me with praise as I take you into my manly mitts like a lump of seemingly worthless clay and craft you into something far better than yourself—me.

Like all great men of myth and legend, I strive for the betterment of the human race. Prometheus brought us fire; Dana White brought us the modern day gladiator; and I bring you a step-by-step guide to being just like me. Do you have what it takes? Is there truly a chance that one day you will be able to walk in my shoes? Purchase this book and find out. There is no better day to stop being you and start trying to be me.

You’re welcome civilization.”

The 320 page book titled “The Voice of Reason: A V.I.P. Pass to Enlightenment” will be available on May 15 at Amazon.com for $16.47.

Read More: Chael Sonnen (News), Rampage Jackson (News), UFC

comments

95 Comments to Chael Sonnen Has a Book Coming Out And Here's How He Describes It

  1. TrigenicKin says:

    LIKE A FUCKING BOSS.

  2. Robby says:

    I am intrigued.

  3. eric says:

    i will not read thi, how to be a douch bag for dummies

  4. Really. says:

    Descent, not decent. Idiot.

  5. mars says:

    Fuuuuuaarrk mirin’ brah.

  6. Kerry says:

    Steroid using scum

    • Eric says:

      ^^^ Dumb Fuck who probly believes in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the 500lb Cat on the cover of the National Enquirer.

      • Rob says:

        so his testosterone levels weren’t abnormally high after the silva fight, indicating steroid use?

        • Bla DeBla says:

          Selective testing & selective dishonest reporting , what was the result of Silvas test . if he was even tested ?

          If Sonnens testostrone was 100,000 times higher than the average mans ?… lets just pretend I accept that as fact but its a bullshit fact to bamboozle you brainwashed idiots ,

          Whats important in this matter is …

          Was his Testosterone Lower than his opponents ?

          Answer me that & you have unraveled the 1’st level of truth Grasshopper & you are on the road to enlightenment .

          Come to think of it was Usain Bolt ever “Randomly” Drug tested ?

          Its politics & Sonnen is being used as a scapegoat .

        • Xaninho says:

          I thought all fighters were tested after the fights?

        • Bla DeBla says:

          So they would have you believe .

          Remember that the UFC is not a sanctioned World Governing Body , they are a promotions company & nothing more .

          If they say the sky is blue & the grass is green not only does nobody give a fuck , even if they did give a fuck they couldn’t do anything to find out if they are telling the truth of not .

          Also remember that pro fighting is just about he dirtiest most corrupt business on earth , not saying the UFC isnt a good company but state commissions & the like have been at this a hell of a lot longer than the UFC has been around .

          Also remember that MMA as the majority of us know it is only around 20 years old .

          Its about where boxing was in terms of Gangsterism in the 1920’s .

          Its even still banned in New York .

          Pro Fighting is a dirty business .

        • Dave says:

          You are an utterly clueless mong. TRT is not illegal, and not a steroid. Sonnen wasn’t charged or suspended for elevated levels, he was suspended for a disclosure issue.

          Learn what you’re talking about before you embarrass yourself.

        • Stiffler says:

          Dave thank you for being smart. I have been arguing with people that Sonnen isn’t a roider, that TRT is a legal procedure that is done. That his suspension was on not disclosing it to the fight commission and to the UFC.

        • Xaninho says:

          TRT is not illegal, BUT testosterone IS a Steroid hormone. So it definitely IS a STEROID!

          Learn first and speak later dumbass.

        • Xaninho says:

          By the way, not for elevated levels? How do you think they found out? By looking at his perfectly normal levels and then assuming he was on TRT without disclosing?

          You Sonnen fanboys are unbelievable! It’s hard to believe you really believe that crap yourself!

        • mmaislandjunkie says:

          his suspension was reduced to 6 months from a year citing the fact that the commission may have in fact received his formal paperwork but lost it during the relocation of their office space. however, he was still suspended for 6 months due to his failed drug testing for high levels of trt. you fools need to get your fact straight.

        • Ryan M says:

          Correct. They were not.

    • Dylan says:

      Shut the fuck up that wasn’t steroids you retard. Know your shit you mindless tool.

      • Xaninho says:

        You clueless dumbasses telling other people to know their shit are so funny….

        Testosterone is a steroid hormone.

        • BG says:

          Actually Xaninho, Testosterone is a horomone and a steroid, it is not a steroid horomone.

          Cholesterol is a steroid also. Steroids are defined as a type of organic compound that contains a characteristic arrangement of four cycloalkane rings that are joined to each other.

          Certain types of steroids are monitored because they may increase your performance, testosterone is most surely one of them.

          Chael’s suspension was due to his testosterone level being FOUR TIMES higher than the allowable range for professional athletes, almost 17 times higher than normal for an average person.

          Clerical error or not, he abused TRT. If he had beaten Anderson, he would have been stripped of the title. Even if you want to argue his doctor made the mistake, remember he can be tested well before the fight by his doctor. Giving him time to lower his levels to a legal amount. He didn’t.

          PS I am a Sonnen fan, just not a stupid/guillible one.

  7. T.J. says:

    I’ll buy it. Should be a good laugh. He’s a funny guy.

  8. Coffee409 says:

    I’ll buy the shit outta that shit.

  9. Kenny Powers says:

    Is it me or Chael Sonnen has become the Kenny Powers of MMA?

    • banks says:

      LMAO i knew there was a reason i was starting to like this douche hahahaha real life kenny powers.. i need to put cheal on a t shirt with a dirty mullet $2 a piece

    • Thurgood Jenkins says:

      I think the funniest moments of EBD Season 1 is where Kenny is listening to his own motivational tapes. I wonder if Sonnen does the same thing.

  10. James Troy says:

    the new bible. everyone should be more like chael and less like the mindless miserable sheep they are.

    im buying 8 copies.

    • Do you realize how stupid that makes you sound? “I’m going to become a follower therefore I will no longer be a follower”. Honestly what do people expect from this book? It’s not going to make you a good wrestler, it will be 320 pages of narrow-minded, egotistical republican garbage about how Chael P. Sonnen is better than you.

  11. brosef says:

    haters gunna hate chael. awesome. will buy.

  12. sean says:

    He is definitely the Kenny Powers of MMA!

  13. Tomweb says:

    I got to read this book 0_0

  14. Koshchek Loves Gay Porn says:

    B===D~~~~ {(0)}

  15. Xaninho says:

    lol most feared destroyer of men…Not the 11 men you lost to with your shitty 27-11 record!

  16. Uncle Chael says:

    hahahahahaha! I have to read this! I wonder what crazy shit he has written in there.

  17. aaron says:

    who the fuck is going to read this??

  18. Budoy says:

    Not interested. Waste of money.

  19. Ninja Oreo Dollop says:

    It would be a fun if it didn’t cost nearly $17. LOL

    Who wouldn’t want to know how to become a winner and two time MW title contender with the worst record in MMA?

  20. zoeldog27 says:

    Does he include in the book how to become a utter dick, smash someone up for 4 and a half rounds juiced to the eyeballs and STILL lose, i used to be the biggest Sonnen fan untill i read the CSAC 100 page report he’s nothing but a cheat if im wrong then he should beat anderson but he wont not without his TRT hey phael? Still entertaining but a douce!

  21. Huntdaddy says:

    Say what you want about Chael but he is one smart dude. He’s already working on the next phase of his career and he’s going to be wildly successful on TV and/or radio as a political/social/sports/ etc commentator. I’m not a Chael fan but I gotta give it to the guy, he’s making some really smart moves. Despite his shitty 27-11 record, he’s one of the most popular fighters in recent years and probably has the most mass market/cross over appeal of any fighter in the UFC. Yep, I’ll get a copy of his book…damn right!

  22. come at me bro says:

    yeah.. definitely buying this shit as soon as it comes out.

  23. Haters Hate shredders Dominate says:

    thanks god im canadian.

  24. Haters Hate shredders Dominate says:

    thank god im canadian.

  25. Hightower says:

    Pretty stoked to read this one. Hope its as awesome as forrest griffins book.

  26. Bat Lash says:

    I am so buying this book.

    I am going to sit in the den by the fireplace in my smoking jacket drinking a nice cold glass of whiskey and read this book.

  27. Greg Jackson says:

    Stop the presses everyone Xaninho is in the room hating on Sonnen and defending Silva. I will give him that he is defending Silva more than Silva was defending himself against Sonnen in that fight.

    ***But seriously dude if testosterone is a STERIOD like you claim then every guy will be painted a rioder for just having it. There are guys who actually have naturally elevated test levels than those used by fight commissions. Most of them don’t know that until they get notified by the fight commission. ***

    So shut up and go put your lips back on Andersons butt

  28. Thurgood Jenkins says:

    Regardless of your stance on Sonnen, this is going to be a very entertaining read. I foresee it being exactly like a Tucker Max book filled with arrogance but hilarious if read objectively. Only difference is the stories won’t be about fucking midgets (that’s Max’s description; I say little people, for all the politically correct folks) in the ass or three-ways with a paraplegic and an amputee.

  29. Neil Sutherland says:

    stop the presses Xaninho is in the room. He defends Silva more than Silva defended himself against Sonnen.

    But really on the point of testosterone being a steroid, is ignorant. because i remembered in high school a kid on my powerlifting team got busted for high test levels and it was revealed that he just had naturally high levels of testosterone. So does that make him a steroid user? NO. So this renders your arguement invalid.

    So just go back to playing UFC Undesputed 2 or 3 and have Silva win the fights.

  30. true mma says:

    Chael ***** Sonnen- fake ass WWE wanna be, **** sucking, no bjj, always tapping, shit talking fool. Why would any respectable man read this bullshit.

    • danielrchargers says:

      that son of a bitch conned us all. if you like Chael of 2010 – Present, your a douche and i am sorry for that.

    • Khaizer says:

      yeah keep talking shit u fucking silva nut-hugger faggot. go suck a **** bitch.

    • McCombski says:

      U guys really hate on him for trying to entertain !!!!! He is a polititon he he is good at talking and lying 90% fo the shit he says he a joke to hype the fight and it works and your entertained weather u know it or not cause youre either a silva lover hoping he gets his ass kicked or a chale fan hoping he can back it up. And just a side point he alomost always backs it up so dosent suck.

  31. Jaime Cardenas says:

    Since we are on a weird subject what do you think of Tim Tebow losing his job?

    Maybe he should do UFC or StrikeForce or Bellator?

    • Ninja Oreo Dollop says:

      That really sucks. So much for loyalty and turning lemons into lemonade. If he was the bad ass QB everyone wanted him to be then he would still have the job. Unfortunately we’ll probably forget about him unless you’re a hardcore NFL fan or he rises to the occasion.

      He should never do MMA unless he wants to make a fool of himself.

      • mmaislandjunkie says:

        tebow will find employment elsewhere. manning is the man but hes in the twilight of his career. tebow has time to develop his passing, it sucks for now but its nowhere near the end of the road for timmah!

      • Quazzi says:

        Yea feel bad for tebow but they couldnt pass up peyton. Lets be real tebow will never be as good as peyton. Tebow will play some where else and be alright

    • Thurgood Jenkins says:

      When you say losing his job, do you mean going from starter to backup? Or did Denver release/trade him?

      • mmaislandjunkie says:

        from the last report i read theyre trying to trade him .

        • Ninja Oreo Dollop says:

          Where do you think they will trade him?

        • Timmay says:

          Yea hes going to be trade you knew Elway never wanted him. he always spoke about timmy if he was his red headed step child.

          He should just go to dallas because you know its dallas “americas team” good grief being from texas i even hate hearing that…

          but if timmy boy does want to go into the octagon i would want him against meathead. they are about the same height and weight.

  32. tank says:

    Don’t mention that your sonnen and shit’s embarrassing, next you’ll say that WWE is real.

  33. beau says:

    cheal sonnen needs to go eat a dick and pull the other one out his ass

  34. UFC VIDEOS says:

    So stoked for sonnen vs silva ii

  35. true mma says:

    Do us all favor Chael ***** Sonnen and jump off a cliff. UFC doesn’t need you. It needs real champs like Aldo, Silva, JDS etc.

    • Quazzi says:

      True mma please get anderson silva’s nuts off ur chin. Just admit u are scared that this time ur boy may not pull of that last min sub.

  36. jonsey says:

    i hope he drops the book after the anderson fight so less people buy it////cuz he going lose badly

  37. Dick Diaz says:

    this book’s sales are riding on his championship fight! people will buy it if he wins; they won’t if he loses. maybe i’ll buy it if he comes to the nearby Barnes and Noble to sign it…

  38. Chartmonster says:

    One of the greatest human to walk the face of the earth.. He’s up there with me! Chael the great!

  39. Donnybrook says:

    I might buy one just so I can use it wipe the remnant of Bla debla off my arsehole after I drop him of at the pool in the mornings.

    • Bla DeBla says:

      Still fantasizing about me leaving yer ass sore & gaping eh ?

      Still cant see how you appear o be a raging drug addicted faggot eh Donny ?

      Smarten the fuck up !

      • Donnybrook says:

        Only a **** lovin cum sponge such as yourself would post a comment like that… seeing how you have shit for brains I kinda figured that one would go over your head. To bad your mom decided to start playing with her own shit… she should of flushed you.

        • Bla DeBla says:

          You need to learn to quit after you have shot yerself in the foot , Donny .

          Its there for all to see that you are associating me with being inside yer asshole .

          Doesnt take a psychoanalyst to see that yer clearly a faggot who is fantasizing about me .

          Even the way you worded it , like yer wiping away the remains of what I left in yer ass .

          Yer Gay .

          Get in touch with yer masculine side , sort yer head out , be cool & come back a better fighter for this wee lesson in the art of war which I have kindly dished out to ya .

          Thatta boy !

        • Donnybrook says:

          Spoken like a true keyboard warrior; “come back a better fighter for this wee lesson in the art of war which I have kindly dished out to ya.” LOL… you even talk like a homo you poor pathetic pile of shit.

          I know in your cyber world you think your some kind of samurai battling your way to greatness, (which BTW is rather entertaining) but in reality your just a brown smear inside my toilet. Next time you’re swimming down to a family reunion try to hold yourself together… my wife is getting tired of cleaning up after you.

        • Bla DeBla says:

          Ahahaha !!!

          Carefully got a mention of a “Wife” in there to save face … pure skill man …. if its yer first day at school that is !!!

          Go on Donny , get outa my sight .

          I got nothing to gain from beating the shit outa you .

          You got nothing boy , tomorrows a new day , go reload yer guns & come back smarter , coz yer “Wife” defense & counter fag accusations & smoke screening doesnt disguise the fact that you clearly exposed your yer true thinking when you told the world how you fantasized about wiping off the remains of what I left on yer ass in the morning .

          You shot yerself in the foot boy … you have been flogging a dead horse ever since .

          Smarten up .

        • Donnybrook says:

          First off only homo’s would have interpreted my first comment that way so thanks for identifying yourself. Secondly I’d be willing to bet you couldn’t beat shit out of a wet paper bag full of it my pathetic little turd. You have nothing on me… now go wipe the shit stains and residual cum off your lips from your last “trick” and chew on some lead cum sponge.

        • Bla DeBla says:

          More counter fag accusations & smoke screening from the scat obsessed gayboy who publicly posted about how he fantasizes about wiping off the remains of what I left on his ass in the morning .

          See how easy this is for me ?

          I’m smoking a fat cigar in one hand while jabbing the head off you with the other hand .

        • Donnybrook says:

          Oh so that’s what you homo’s are calling ****’s these day’s… cigar’s eh!

          You’d better be careful, your keyboard sensei might demote you to a white belt.

        • Bla DeBla says:

          Well done Donny , thats the 1’st post you made without expressing yer fixation about scat … shame you spoiled it all by delvin right back into your favourite passtime tho , homosexual sex .

          I’m puffin on a big fat Cuban Cigar in my right hand & jabbing the head of you with my left hand … sorry that turned you on , it was supposed to be a comical use of imagery , not to provoke you into revealing yer another of your pathetic homosexual fantasy’s .

          Quit while yer behing boy , yer starting to disgust me .

  40. DenSHO says:

    Is this going to be in the Humor Section or the Science Fiction Section?

  41. Ruben says:

    Anybody who buys this book likes to take 16 inch **** up the tailpipe

  42. GreenTeaBagger says:

    Unlike Tito, Sonnen can back up the shit he talks.

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